Fake Friendships Are the Best

The other day I strutted by a very peculiar statement.

“Wow, you look like a homeless person!” said this girl as she nonchalantly commented on her girl-friend’s outfit.

Man, girls are absolutely brutal to each other! I was astounded to see the girl-friend just smile and mumble a response, appearing indifferent to any insults. If that were me, I would’ve replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, well, your mother doesn’t love you.” (Pardon my humor…) For all I know, that girl-friend could’ve been having the absolute worst day of her life, and this girl just completely s—s on her!

“Yeah, well, you look pudgy!” That’s what I would’ve shouted back at her.

If this were between two guys on the lacrosse team (Maybe even just two guys), everyone would discard the conversation as mechanisms at work for manhood. Just simple witty blurps and nothing more. But am I right in thinking that? Perhaps I’m too dim-witted to realize that my teammates and childhood friends are just mocking my life? I don’t mean to sound insecure, but how exactly should I interpret “Jacky! Use your kung-fu to get us some dumplings!”?

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a burger-inhaling fat American!” Yup, that’s as good as my comebacks get.

Instead, I laugh at the implications of stereotyping and racial discrimination. Hell, I even chuckled a little when my girl-friend (Whom I share the platonic relationship with) implied that I couldn’t incorporate Dick In A Box into my Halloween costume because of a “small” Asian complication.

“Wait, is that why we’re just friends???”

In the end, I’m glad I’m too dumb to understand the thin line between funny sarcasm and tasteless insolence. Overanalyzing dialogue would ruin any level of friendship with conflicts and undisclosed tension. What matters is whether or not you can get a smile (Or a manly chuckle) out of a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d make a pretty funny-looking homeless lad.

After all, who really cares about the camaraderie and complete selflessness of true friendships?